Dammit Jazzy, I’m officially DONE with your uber-talented, soul-singing azz and can’t believe you’re still a new artist a year after dropping a #1 club banger as a, well, new artist…And YES, I said it Cotton FACE, A NEW ARTIST… who remains virtually unknown to the masses and a question mark-faced mystery to music heads like myself who wouldn’t recognize you if you posed in front of your own life-sized billboard while singing “Lions, Tigers & Bears.”
Seriously, who the F@#$ is your manager and why are they still pretending to manage YOU?! …I mean DAMN, did you even sign a legit record deal where J Records agreed to promote you at some point during your lifetime… And if you did, was it scribbled in orange crayon or doodled with a ‘Mortimer Ichabod’ marker?! …
…Yeaaaa OK, I know, Missy McChubbs promised that ‘things’ would get better before they grew worst, but that was probably after the irrelevant track-wrecker used you to stay relevant by masquerading as your mentor in order to scream “Yes, I’m really this desperate” over your hottest records (…that she supposedly ‘produced’) with your reggae-tinged chart smasher “Need U Bad” aka your dopest record to date being the most victimized …
Believe me Jazzy, you were R&B/Soul’s #1 Draft Pick and definitely would’ve stolen at least one of Adele’s coveted Grammy’s if J Records would’ve allowed you to embrace your Philly roots instead of (ramming a loaded 4-5 into your temple and…) forcing you to record that whack azz McFAILure (…with extra FAIL sauce) Fearless along with the nearly career-murdering femme-failure “Bust Your Windows.”
Err, wait, did you hear that?! …Uh, yeaaaa…defffff-initely was RiRi Fierce sucking the life out of the “Run This Town” hook that begged for your soul-punishing vocals which, to me, are a close fourth to J. Hud’s, J-I-LL’s and Marsha’s respectively…
Face it Jaz Marie, you’re an R&B tragedy waiting to happen and will find yourself singing back-up for Jill Scott if you don’t 8-6 your manager, dismiss your stylist, request to be released from your POP-obsessed label, drop a LIVE album and consistently attach yourself to major Tours instead of indulging in extended beauty siestas while vocally-inept starlets like Keri, CiCi and RiRi cash hefty checks that should’ve been deposited in YOUR bank account…
But NOPE, you’d rather drop generic anti-anthems like ‘Dream Big’ while rotting in front of the boob tube with your hands buried in the Kettle-cooked chip bag and star in your own corny azz Cotton commercials without ever demanding the game’s full and undivided attention like Mary, Erykah, India, Jill, Alicia, Lauryn and Keyshia were able to do as famished up-and-coming soulstresses …
Think about it, every one of those mega-stars dropped classic debut records that earned platinum plaques while you rise & shine every afternoon with a tragically-flawed debut album on your resume that probably won’t even go Gold (447K sold to date)…And please, dead this ‘…but, it’s a Recession…’ bullll shieeet because J. Hud, Jamie, Bey and Keyshia…etc… still managed to move over 800K records during a dead period when NO ONE was buying records …
…*Heavy Sigh*…but then again, I’ll understand if you don’t respond to this letter and continue to allow your manager to ignore texts/e-mails/messages from the producers of The View/Ellen/Regis & Kelly/Oprah/Tonite Show…etc.., neglect major mag editors interested in giving you the cover and shoot down movie roles for music-themed films …
…Ha, it’s cool though…why the hell would you want to follow in Lauryn Hill’s footsteps anyway…you know, the chick you’re always foolishly compared to… After all, she did blow after starring in Sister Act II… and is currently recognized as a living legend…err, or used to be… *shrugs* …
…Hell, if Jennifer Hudson can fall out of the sky and win an Oscar and Fantasia can shine on Broadway, then I know you have the ability to be more than just some uber-talented underachiever whose been nominated for 8 music-related Awards (…including Grammy’s) and only walked away with 2 from the… *sigh* …BET Awards …Err, pardon my sky high standards, but in my eyes, that’s a ’got dayum shame!
So there, my pen finally shed the last of its tears on this pad, but I can only hope that my words motivate you to detach your body from your marshmallow soft Queen B. tomorrow (…before noon) and dedicate yourself to becoming the illest soulstress in the game that we all thought you would be by now (…Err, and should be ya damn slacktress!) … And with that said, I wish you much success …
Love,
Alejandro Ford
http://twitter.com/AlejandroDaGr8
P.S.
Don’t ever let me see you singing your heart out for another globally-ignored artist like Ace Hood again. Thank you. 
This has been another Alejandro presentation.
… I wouldn’t be surprised if this is Jazmine Sullivan’s WORST readily available photo … … err, and did I mention that her toes are longer than her shoes?! … smh … Yeaa Yeaaa, we know Jazzy, you haaaaad to have those shoes even if they were a half-size too small … gotcha
… I’m not scareddddd of liiiiiiiiiiiiions, Tiiiiiiiiiiiiigers and Beaaaaaaaaaars … and shagggggy weaaaaave and baggyyyyy tightttttts (see below) …
J. Sulli lookin’ like the fifth Ghostbuster …
smh … damn Jazzy … those tights are obviously not tight … Hell, they’re baggy … and have a kangaroo pouch in the front …
…Coooooottooooon … the fabric of our livessssssss … *PAUSE* … I truly believe that this extended jingle is hotter than most of the songs on her album …
… It’s OK… I believe in you Jazzy … and pray that you’ll take control of your career …
